This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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