Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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