Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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