I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
