She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize