just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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