Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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