i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
