Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
