HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
