I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
