I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
should my penis look like a turkey
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
