She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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