you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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