hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
