his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
