he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
