Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
