Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
