i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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