i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
