evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
