end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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