i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Enjoy the penises
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
