M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize