So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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