I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
