I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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