Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
