I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize