I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
