My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
