Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
