He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
