remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
