Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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