oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
