I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
