Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
