i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize