six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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