last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
