it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
