im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just pee around me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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