I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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