I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
