sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
