Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
