I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
