I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
