You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
