I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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