the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
