what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my shit smells like andre
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
