I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Less talking, more tequila
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
