I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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