I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
