You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
