Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
