Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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