Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
