T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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