Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
