dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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