you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
