i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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