Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
