I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
