Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
birth control should be required to get into college
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
