isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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