so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
