I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
