You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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