drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
