on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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